Women in leadership and the double bind

As a woman in leadership, I have personally experienced and witnessed first-hand an imbalance in expectations around how we are supposed to lead. We are often told, ‘Don’t be too soft’, but also, ‘Don’t be too firm’, because these positions create the perception that you are either ‘weak’ or ‘difficult or hostile’. It’s exhausting trying to live up to these expectations while also trying to do your job well, manage relationships and make sure your leadership style remains fair and professional. 

Using my lived experience, my coaching practice and research, I will discuss why this matters in modern organisations, particularly in terms of leadership effectiveness, decision-making and culture.

A reflection of leadership norms

I have worked under, and alongside, female managers who take on a more traditionally masculine persona in order to be taken seriously. I have also worked with women who are understanding and compassionate, and who then receive phone calls from their staff requesting last-minute days off, who have to manage lateness or who have to compensate for reduced effort because staff assume they will pick up the slack. 

Finding the balance is hard, and this is not me dismissing the male experience in leadership or suggesting leadership is easy for men. Leadership can be difficult, full stop, and men face their own pressures and expectations within organisations. I am simply naming women’s experiences, because they are brought up more frequently in research and my coaching practice, and also because of my own lived experience.

Whether it is in female-dominated sectors or in industries that are predominantly male, this is not an issue with women’s capability, but rather a reflection of the organisational systems and leadership norms that have historically been shaped around masculine ideals. It isn’t about one ‘right’ way to lead, but rather how leadership is responded to and how gender factors into this.

What research tells us

These expectations are not random or personal. Research consistently shows us that leadership expectations are gendered, with certain behaviours penalised depending on who displays them. Traits such as dominance in language and firmness are associated with men in leadership, while being empathetic and caring is associated with women. 

Research led by the University of Liverpool (Catalyst, 2024) found that leadership continues to be associated with traditionally masculine traits, such as dominance, assertiveness, confidence and availability. It also highlights that women experience the double bind, where they are expected to be confident and assertive, but judged harshly when they are, while men are rewarded for the same behaviour. These findings suggest organisational processes and cultural norms are what sustain leadership inequality, rather than a lack of skills on the part of women.